I'm working on a paper that I've been expanding/editing for some time now. It's on the table in front of me, open to a page that has this handwritten note at the top: partial completion, works in progress.
That's a really good way to describe SO much in my life right now. This paper is a work in progress. Not much progress has been made on it. Work on it was much more productive yesterday and a few days ago. Today has been difficult. Uphill, downhill, breakthrough, hitting the wall. It is frustrating not to be able to write like I did two years ago. I'm doing all the right things - sitting down to write whether it's productive or not, having all the necessary materials, etc. But the words don't come - it's as though I used up my quota of new or creative thoughts. That's it! No more clever ideas! You're done! Next in line please!
My house is also a work in progress. My office is finally coming together as a real home office. This summer I did a lot of clearing out of clutter and unnecessary paperwork. It felt good to be clearing out. But it's still a work in progress, not yet done. A number of things got in the way of this project (good things!) and now I don't quite know where to pick up on it again. And there's so many other little projects that I see now that I'm back in the house full time. Overwhelming!
My body seems to be a work in progress too. I meant to start on a weight loss effort after a rather shocking step onto a friend's scale. Rather than go on a diet or exercise routine, I got a root canal. It went terribly wrong. Couldn't eat much, only chewing on one side of my mouth, and then it turned into an abscess which meant only liquids. Two crazy months, and at least 10 pounds later, I got my tooth all sorted out. Time now to focus on eating right and exercising again - another work in progress.
Partial completion, work in progress. Reminds me of John Wesley's understanding of sanctifying grace. When someone recognizes God's grace at work in their life, they make changes in how they live. It's not just about a one-time change, it's about a change in a way of life. That way of life means paying attention to the work of God in one's life and in the world around you. It's an ongoing process, to pay attention to the work of the Spirit, to get rid of the clutter in your heart and mind, to make changes to be more just, more merciful. Wesley called it moving on to perfection - a work in progress. A lot like my life.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Struggles
A friend said to me yesterday "why don't you write about something else that you love, and try to get yourself jump started that way?" Such great advice.
For nearly a year I have struggled with writer's block. It seems that despite the multitude of thoughts running through my head, I just couldn't write anything. My papers are below par, some I have postponed, and I've only written two sermons and a couple newsletter articles. It has been beyond frustrating.
This summer I had the opportunity to teach a class on women in mission. It felt right to be teaching. However, it did lead to lots of questions about my degree program and where I am in the process. It is embarrassing to admit that while my classmates are all working on their comprehensive exams, I'm still working on my coursework. Dratted writing block. Even my college freshman daughter is giving me advice on how to write papers now. Humiliating.
There are a million distractions, some of them seem quite worthy. And that's been part of my struggle. I'm doing things that are important, but they aren't the work that I've been called to do. Which leads to another aspect of my struggle - I've been praying and praying about it but don't seem to get any answer. It's as if God isn't listening. Or perhaps God is listening but isn't answering. It's difficult to hang onto faith through such a long dry spell.
When my friend said that I should write about something that I love, I immediately thought of writing a sermon. I love preaching. And so I looked up the scriptures for this coming Sunday: Year C Proper 24
First Timothy 4:5 says: As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.
Luke 18:7 says: And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them?
If I was going to write a sermon on this Sunday's lectionary readings, it would be a sermon for an audience of one: me. Clearly the Spirit is working here. I see in these readings a clear message of persistence and faith. It's as though the Spirit is saying "don't give up! hold fast to your dream, do the work set before you, no matter how hard."
Just the other day a high school sophomore asked me to edit an English paper of hers on persistence and diligence, sort of an encouragement essay. I suppose I should have been reading more for content than for grammar! It seems the Spirit is speaking in that direction, and I am listening, through the struggle, through the doubt, through the inertia, toward the Call.
For nearly a year I have struggled with writer's block. It seems that despite the multitude of thoughts running through my head, I just couldn't write anything. My papers are below par, some I have postponed, and I've only written two sermons and a couple newsletter articles. It has been beyond frustrating.
This summer I had the opportunity to teach a class on women in mission. It felt right to be teaching. However, it did lead to lots of questions about my degree program and where I am in the process. It is embarrassing to admit that while my classmates are all working on their comprehensive exams, I'm still working on my coursework. Dratted writing block. Even my college freshman daughter is giving me advice on how to write papers now. Humiliating.
There are a million distractions, some of them seem quite worthy. And that's been part of my struggle. I'm doing things that are important, but they aren't the work that I've been called to do. Which leads to another aspect of my struggle - I've been praying and praying about it but don't seem to get any answer. It's as if God isn't listening. Or perhaps God is listening but isn't answering. It's difficult to hang onto faith through such a long dry spell.
When my friend said that I should write about something that I love, I immediately thought of writing a sermon. I love preaching. And so I looked up the scriptures for this coming Sunday: Year C Proper 24
First Timothy 4:5 says: As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.
Luke 18:7 says: And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them?
If I was going to write a sermon on this Sunday's lectionary readings, it would be a sermon for an audience of one: me. Clearly the Spirit is working here. I see in these readings a clear message of persistence and faith. It's as though the Spirit is saying "don't give up! hold fast to your dream, do the work set before you, no matter how hard."
Just the other day a high school sophomore asked me to edit an English paper of hers on persistence and diligence, sort of an encouragement essay. I suppose I should have been reading more for content than for grammar! It seems the Spirit is speaking in that direction, and I am listening, through the struggle, through the doubt, through the inertia, toward the Call.
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