One of the national morning news programs had a story today on "how to make money with your blog". There were the usual tips - write about what you are passionate about, use social networking, find advertisers. Another suggestion was to write every day, although I've read that bloggers should have a set schedule such as publishing twice a week (Monday and Thursday, not everyday).
It was surprising to hear that some of the bloggers are earning more just by writing than I was earning for the last two years working in the church. "I could do that" says the little voice in my head. "But you wouldn't write every day" says the other little voice. "And besides, who'd want to read it?" Drat that other little voice.
It is a depressing little voice. It's the one that is loudest when I'm at home alone. The one that is hardest to ignore. The one that erodes my confidence, questions my abilities.
I thought that living back at home would be easier than living in Boston, so far away from my family. And it has been easier in some ways - it is SO good to have family dinners, to give hugs and kisses, to appreciate my home and kitchen. But in other ways, it is so difficult, ways that I didn't anticipate.
I haven't had a job since May. I didn't think that it would eat at me the way it does. I figured that it would be hard to find a job, but that I could focus on my studies, on my family, on my house. At first that was true, but as time has gone on it has gotten increasingly more difficult. Knowing that we need additional income is always on my mind. I think about looking for work all the time. I worry about it, try to be positive about it, but there's that nasty negative little voice in my head getting louder by the day. I've gone from talking to the church about opportunities and possibilities to applying at bookstores, the mall, and local grocery stores. I've applied at UPS for seasonal help, searched for jobs on Craigslist, and filled out applications in person. They aren't hiring. At least, they aren't hiring middle aged female clergy with too many college degrees.
And then there was that morning news program, telling me I could earn money by blogging. Hmph. I don't write about fashion or travel or video games, so I doubt there is money to be made here. But I do think that writing about my experience is helpful - if to no one else, at least to me. In every difficult situation I can learn something - about the world, about people, about myself. And so I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. I keep praying, keep reading, keep moving forward, and keep telling that negative little voice it's wrong, and try to keep writing about mission (what I'm passionate about!) in my academic work rather than on the internet. God willing, it will all work out.
