Yesterday I worked in the back garden. A few weeks ago I bought two grapevines to use as sermon illustrations. I planted one at the campus ministry building, near a trellis that didn't have anything growing on it. The students planted a Carolina jessamine on the other side, which grows faster and will cover the trellis with pretty yellow blossoms.

The second grapevine came home with me and has been standing in its plastic bag out in our front flower bed (which isn't very flower-y, but that's a project for another day). I dug a nice hole out by the back fence, where we had seven pine trees removed last year. The instructions on the vine said to fill the hole with water, wait for it to be absorbed, then fill in with some nice soil and then plant the vine. It would appear that the soil we have out back is of the clay variety - not very absorbent! Eventually I left it to sit over night.

Meanwhile I dug out three shrubs against the house that I didn't much like. These were up against the chimney. Originally I'd planned to put in an Italian cypress (tall and skinny) there but James doesn't want something that may have roots pushing against the foundation. Plan B is to plant seeds there with a nice metal trellis (which will be purchased after the next payday). James gave me moonflower and morning glory seeds in my birthday gardening basket, and I think they will look nice there. Just have to figure out what to plant that will put a bit of color lower to the ground now.

Of course, as it is with my garden, one project leads to another. The grass has pushed the brick edging so that it has tipped toward the house rather than standing straight up. Working with the bricks isn't easy. They are scalloped cement things that interlock with one another, so if you take one out, the next has to come out and they have to be put back together just so. James came out and saw what I'd gotten stuck into and said that he will help with that part of the project. He was also impressed with my shrub removal - called me Mrs. Muscles!

This morning my devotional reading was all about healing. Jesus healing a girl who had died and healing a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years. That particular passage has come to mind every time I pray in the last week or so. I really resonate with that passage. The agony of not finding healing, the stigma of being an outsider (she was not "clean" and so couldn't be part of the society), and the way she knows hope just by reaching out for his robe, not to spend time with Jesus, not to interrupt his work or speak to him, just to touch the hem of his robe. That hope and certainty is often my prayer. The other scripture readings came from the Psalms and talked about how God hears the cries of God's people and rescues them. I didn't realize that those verses in the Psalm were intertwined with passages about planting and establishing fruitful gardens. Gardening is a labor intensive process. It takes care, attention, hard work, and getting dirty. Perhaps that is a good way to imagine the Spirit at work in my life: caring, paying attention, working on my stubborn ways, digging out the weeds and nurturing the seedlings that will bear fruit.

And now it's time for me to go finish planting that grapevine. It's a good Friday.

The "Real" Job

My goodness. It's been nearly a year since I wrote a post. I hadn't realized how long I'd let the blog lie fallow. So much has happened in that time. I worked my retail job at the mall for just over a year. I miss my friends at the store, but I don't miss getting up before dawn and working in the heat and dark, or the pressure and stress. I am at the end of a temporary assignment - church related but not in a church. It's been a hectic but productive six months. I have earned enough to cover tuition for the fall 2012 semester, which is a relief. Once this job ends in May, I won't have a job and I'm not looking for one. More on that in a bit. In the past year I have also realized that I'd been struggling through a depression. I don't quite know when it started, or how it is that I managed to start coming out of it. The best way I can describe it is sluggish. I just didn't have enough energy for everything that needed to be done. I managed to work the mall job, managed to keep the house clean and the family fed, and managed to pass one comprehensive exam, but each of those just barely. Depression is like molasses - the jar of it sits at the back of the pantry, nearly forgotten behind the often used cinnamon and garlic salt. Molasses is sticky and slow moving. Depression is like that - dark, quiet, sticky. Hard to get over, especially if you don't realize that's the problem. That one comprehensive exam took all of my energy. My advisors required a retake on two of the three questions, which was a real blow. It was hard to study all over again, but I pulled things together and managed to master the material. I don't quite know how I got so far off track that I lost sight of the path, but I managed to get back on, thanks to the dedication, support and encouragement of my advisor. I will be forever grateful for her kind words and guidance. This spring we have put in a garden again. My Lenten journey has been spent digging out weeds, turning over soil, mixing in compost, preparing rows and hills, planting seeds and seedlings. James built a compost bin so we are composting all our vegetable waste and yard trimmings. We're making our own mulch, which is a lot harder work than buying bags of it at the big box home improvement store. Somewhere in all that garden preparation I realized that my income-earning jobs have gotten in the way of my vocation, my "real" job. My vocation is my studies and my teaching. I've discovered through teaching women's groups in the past year that teaching energizes me, and gives me purpose. So when the temporary job ends in May, I will not begin a frantic search for more income. I am already re-focusing on my bibliographies and the next two comprehensive exams. They are my vocation, my calling. It is scary to trust that God will provide if I am faithful to that calling, but that is what I am doing. Digging out weeds, turning over soil, making preparation for seeds, nurturing tiny new plants - these are good exercises for the soul. I'll try to post pictures of the garden. Gardening gives me hope, and my prayers are turning to hope again as well. It's been a long dark year, but the light of hope is on the horizon. Thanks be to God.