My Village

The saying goes... "...it takes a village..."

I have a village.  Not a village to help raise up a child (although I had one of those to help with the two of mine).  This time it's a village of women. 

Being a woman is complicated.  There are career paths, relationships, decisions about child bearing and then, depending on those decisions, more decisions about child rearing.  There are choices - focus on career/life partner/children - all choices that result in the prioritizing of one thing and the realization that others will not be a priority.  There's guilt.  There's women's bodies, women and aging, women and our parents, women and food.  It takes a village!

Women need a variety of female relationships throughout our lives.  You've probably seen pictures or posts about different kinds of friends or different seasons of friends through our lives, and I agree with aspects of those posts.  I'm coming to appreciate the different female relationships I have now in my life, as those women collectively make up a stunning constellation of wisdom and love that sustains my life.

One friend I've known since junior high.  She listens to me complain and laughs with me at the silliest things.  We've seen a lot in each other over the years.  Friends of long standing are essential.

A couple of dear friends encourage me to write and to care for my body.  They inspire me with their passion and verve for life.  Their artistic and creative vision is like a beacon on days when I struggle to see past my computer screen.  I hope to impress them, and that helps me to keep going.

A clergy friend listens whenever I am having a cynical day about pastoring.  She probably thinks that I'm Reverend Downer, but in reality, we don't often get to connect and somehow it is usually when I need to vent.  For her listening ear, I'm ever grateful, and being with her always makes me commit myself anew to listening more carefully to others.

Another clergy friend of mine has recently begun meeting with me as we hold each other accountable on our academic work.  She's writing a D.Min. thesis and I'm beginning my dissertation research.  We share similar visions for ministry and academic work, it is a fruitful and joyful relationship.  I hesitated to join a writing accountability group but now wish I'd done so earlier.

My mentor is a female academic, and I'd give anything to make her proud of my work.  She could see potential in me that I could not when I began this academic program.  Now it feels as though I'm on the cusp of some new phase of my life, and I can't quite see it yet, but I know that if I am faithful to the work she's helped me to sketch out, it will come clear in time.  Patience, hard work, and dedication are necessary.

My oldest daughter is becoming my friend.  A treasure I didn't expect.  I think I laugh more with her than with anyone else.  What a joy.  My younger daughter is still my little girl, who needs me still, and that is a treasure too.

There are young women who I mentor - discerning calls to ministry or working through a new path in ministry.  These are informal mentoring relationships, and I doubt they realize how much they give back to me in our conversations.  There are women I've met through various church functions whose friendships have grown over time, even though I've moved away from where they live.  There are women I have met through other friends, who comment on things through facebook or send me emails, and who probably don't know that they are part of the constellation of women whose lives sparkle and shine through the dark times in my life.  There are old, dear friends, those I've found thanks to facebook, after long years apart, lost time made up for in a few shared photos and smiles.

A village of women - fierce, passionate, dedicated, creative, loving, supportive, challenging, fabulous women.  It's my village, and they make me a better person.

Adios, Leftover Halloween Candy

A couple days ago I wore a pair of my most expensive shoes.  They are hot pink and green, with bouncy soles.  James bought them for me just over a year ago, right before a 5k race.  I wasn't running while wearing them.  I was at the office.

As evidenced on this very blog, I am a reluctant runner.  However, I learned that running can be fun and I usually feel better when I run (also evidenced on this blog, as well as the fact that "run" is a relative term when my kids are out there with me).

A year ago I was training sort of regularly.  There was the 5k to raise funds for mission, in which my bishop nearly powerwalked past me.  There was the highlight of my running year, going out for a run with my dear friend Carol, who inspires me from half a globe away with her persistence and joy.  There was James, who was proud of my running and bought those expensive shoes.

But somewhere along the line I stopped.  I don't know what happened, or why.  I could list the multitude of excuses that have lived inside my head for the last year, but I'll spare you all that particular bit of prevarication.  The fact is, I quit exercising altogether.

And now I'm faced with a bowl of leftover Halloween candy.  Not just any leftover candy.  Nope, I was careful about what was leftover.  Turns out, that bowl has a bunch of the candy James likes, and a bunch that I like.  It's relatively easy to walk past the candy bars at the grocery store or the convenience store, because they are big and full of lots of calories.  But this bite sized one, well, it's so cute and really, there's not that much wrong with just a little ole bite sized one, right?

~cue rustling sound~  tick tock tick tock  Suddenly I realize that I've lost track of time while here at my desk and ~gasp~ there's a pile of bite sized chocolate candy wrappers beside me!

~sigh~

I know myself well enough to know that thinking up a grand plan for total fitness make-over will be doomed for failure.  I'll start off well enough but then I'll fall off the wagon rather soon and give up in frustration.  It's best for me if I just pick up again, slowly but surely, starting over again off the couch - specifically, the Couch to 5k program.  It works for me, working my way slowly into running again.  And if I'm not mistaken, I do still have a gym membership.  I'll feel better about holiday meals if I'm already working out a couple days a week.  And bonus, then I'll be comfortable with the gym when all the new years resolution types come in to the gym in January, right?  Nah, I'll never be comfortable with the gym, who am I kidding?  But a habit, well, now that might be worth working on.  Never mind if it's not comfortable, it's healthy.  I sleep better, think more clearly, and have more energy if I train for a run and go to the gym.

So, it's adios to the leftover Halloween candy and hola to my running shoes!  Ole!