There was a movie in the 80s with Diane Keaton called "Baby Boom". It comes up on reruns now and again. Funny to watch, with those 80s power suits for women with massive shoulder pads. And now that I've lived through a New England winter, also funny to watch the main character freak out (although my winter experiences didn't include home repairs or empty water wells).
What isn't funny is the underlying message - as an educated American woman you CAN have it all - home, successful career, romantic love life, friends and family. You WILL have time to DO IT ALL. You can be wealthy, healthy, and happy and have a healthy happy family. Don't worry about the few socks on the floor or toys scattered about, you can clean your house, start a business and not need a nanny. Oh yeah, and date that cute vet from town too! Time for everything abounds! Even one-upping your old corporate bosses!
This is not reality.
I was not a successful college-age student. My undergraduate program included two universities and two community colleges. It also included a significant amount of failure and took 13 years to complete.
Along the way I got married and had two daughters. For a time, my then husband didn't want me to finish school and threatened to take the children from me (although we were still married so in hindsight it was a hollow threat, but at the time it felt real and scary) if I continued to take classes. The students at the Methodist Student Center helped to watch my children while I was attending class - one class per semester. Sometimes the baby came along if I thought she would need to breastfeed during classtime and once she was a show-and-tell of infant reflexes for a kinesiology class. Eventually I filed for divorce and the girls enrolled in the University lab school and the on-campus day care center. Somehow I managed to make it through student teaching and graduated.
Also along the way my identity morphed and I didn't even realize it. "Mother" became my dominant identity. Throughout my vocation as mother, I have never given up the path of my calling to the ministry. I thought it was my primary identity - clergywoman. But as my children have grown from teenagers into young adults, one in college and one nearly there, I am realizing just how dominant that "mother" role has truly been.
So here I am - having gotten that undergraduate degree but never really using it. And then a master's degree that led to the clergywoman role, but also to deeper questions and eventually a return to graduate school. Another master's degree and now most of a doctoral program later - and I'm struggling.
I have not had it all. I've managed to raise amazing, intelligent, opinionated, curious, engaged and engaging young women. But I have struggled in every other area. My career looks like a crazy quilt. I have more questions than answers. I don't feel at home in academia or the church - and frequently make mistakes or missteps in those fields. I am not a great homemaker (although clearly I love baking!). And the financial success - well, that is just movie magic.
And so I find myself on an autumn afternoon, surrounded by books. Drowning in a sea of words. Trying to keep outlines sorted out in my head and on my notes. Preparing for the last written exam of my long academic journey. Neighbors have already decorated for Christmas and I haven't begun to think about it - because SuperAmericanWoman is a myth! I can do some things but in spite of how that verse from Philippians has been twisted, I can't do EVERYTHING through Christ who strengthens me if that means being everything to everyone.
I am at the point in exam prep where I am sure that I will fail, there is no way to cram anything else into my brain. It happens to come at the point where there are no dinner plans, laundry has piled up, and I have the awful feeling that I've forgotten something important but have no idea what that might be. It is uncomfortable.
Last exam when I felt this way I went for a nice long walk. This time around I'm fighting a respiratory infection and listened to a radio program on vulnerability and risk a few days ago. So in the spirit of vulnerability and being healthy in body, mind and spirit, I am writing out my stress instead of walking it.
To any woman who might read this: if culture tries to tell you that you CAN be superwoman, don't buy that myth. Don't try to be superwoman. It is exhausting and confusing. Just .... be.
Although my vocation and identity seem to be in the middle of switching to a different path, at the heart of it, I am content. It is deeply peaceful to admit that I'm not superwoman and I can't do it all. This exam, however? I will do that through the grace of Christ!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Celia's letter to Grace Lea
When my mother was newly married in her early 20s, she moved from rural Minnesota to the Texas-Mexico border. Thousands of miles from home, she asked her mother to send her some recipes. I have a copy of the letter my grandmother sent her with news from home and a pumpkin pie recipe, and I'm sharing it here for my daughters, family history and yummy recipe. The only date is "Friday pm" so I'm not sure of the exact date. Any typos are in the original! :-)
Dear Grace Lea,
Got your letter today. I've got the pumpkin pie reciepe right here so I wouldnt forget to include it. Did the glass come through without breaking? I wrapped them the best I could, considering the other things I had to get in too. Have to see what Dad has to say about sending more. Dont look at this time, that we can come and bring your things. Dishes, books, records, clothes, knick nacks, etc. Guess your old storm coat is one thing you dont need. The boxes were insured, so I hope every thing came O.K. Else you have to go through such a fuss to get your value back.
When you called I was undressing. Tried to get back in, gave it up, grabbed some thing to cover me and came dashing out. Marilyn was excited too. She was in her blanket, and rolling on the couch. We really do get excited dont we? No wonder there are ulcers in the family. My voice eckoed (I know that isnt spelled right) some thing fierce. I had a time hearing good. I think Dad missed not talking to you. I called the Monitor-News today. Too late for this week. It was fairly nice this day, until it started snowing. Wet stuff. Marilyn just came home. It is dark. I have a lamp lit beside me. I washed clothes yesterday, thank goodness. Too dark to iron by daylight, so I'll wait till tomorrow with it. Do a part of the Saturday work yet today. It is three thirty now. If you got that Northern from up here, they had better be happy it got up to 37 by the time it got there. It was 4 below when we were in Iowa. It wasnt even that cold here. It had been so wet in Iowa that they didn't have much corn out. It snowed a lot there too. It has been up to 34 or so here. The paper will tell I guess.
It will be a real challenge to you to learn to cook. I know you'll make it. I surely would like to come and try your cooking. I dont remember the name of the poison that can grown in air-tight fruit jars, of canned non-acid vegetables. It isnt botulism. It comes from the soil and doesnt develop till it gets in an air tight jar, processed at low temperatures. Commercially canned veg. dont have it. Boiling 20 minutes makes it safe to eat. 10 min. is enough so a person wouldnt die in case the bacteria or what ever it is called, is present. So it is neither from the beans or the type of canning. It comes from the soil. Pressure canning is hot enough to destroy the stuff. But I'd cook the beans 10 minutes anyway if I were doing it, or eating them. If I find the name of the poison I'll write it to you.
Pumpkin Pie 1 pie
First you make the crust. You must have the receipe for that.
Put into the unbaked crust this mix.
1 cup pumpkin, I use a good brand. Festal is good.
2 eggs
1/4 cup cream (you can substitute milk)
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 te. cinnamon
1/2 te. nutmeg
1/2 te. ginger.
Reduce spices if less spicy pie is desired. I mix the spices and salt with the sugar, it mixes in quicker. I beat the egg whites stiff and then put the yolks in and beat then the smooth (and stiff) pumpkin and then the cream and milk and sugar-spice so I can use the beater till the end. Mixing the egg whites seperate give the pie a nicer look when done. It is done when it doesnt jiggle in the middle, and when it looks nice and brownish.
Cool + with whipped cream - sweetened - on - good luck
Love Ma
Grandma Celia hand wrote the date and the last note about whipped cream but the rest of the letter she wrote on her typewriter. A bit of tasty November family history for my girls! :-)
Dear Grace Lea,
Got your letter today. I've got the pumpkin pie reciepe right here so I wouldnt forget to include it. Did the glass come through without breaking? I wrapped them the best I could, considering the other things I had to get in too. Have to see what Dad has to say about sending more. Dont look at this time, that we can come and bring your things. Dishes, books, records, clothes, knick nacks, etc. Guess your old storm coat is one thing you dont need. The boxes were insured, so I hope every thing came O.K. Else you have to go through such a fuss to get your value back.
When you called I was undressing. Tried to get back in, gave it up, grabbed some thing to cover me and came dashing out. Marilyn was excited too. She was in her blanket, and rolling on the couch. We really do get excited dont we? No wonder there are ulcers in the family. My voice eckoed (I know that isnt spelled right) some thing fierce. I had a time hearing good. I think Dad missed not talking to you. I called the Monitor-News today. Too late for this week. It was fairly nice this day, until it started snowing. Wet stuff. Marilyn just came home. It is dark. I have a lamp lit beside me. I washed clothes yesterday, thank goodness. Too dark to iron by daylight, so I'll wait till tomorrow with it. Do a part of the Saturday work yet today. It is three thirty now. If you got that Northern from up here, they had better be happy it got up to 37 by the time it got there. It was 4 below when we were in Iowa. It wasnt even that cold here. It had been so wet in Iowa that they didn't have much corn out. It snowed a lot there too. It has been up to 34 or so here. The paper will tell I guess.
It will be a real challenge to you to learn to cook. I know you'll make it. I surely would like to come and try your cooking. I dont remember the name of the poison that can grown in air-tight fruit jars, of canned non-acid vegetables. It isnt botulism. It comes from the soil and doesnt develop till it gets in an air tight jar, processed at low temperatures. Commercially canned veg. dont have it. Boiling 20 minutes makes it safe to eat. 10 min. is enough so a person wouldnt die in case the bacteria or what ever it is called, is present. So it is neither from the beans or the type of canning. It comes from the soil. Pressure canning is hot enough to destroy the stuff. But I'd cook the beans 10 minutes anyway if I were doing it, or eating them. If I find the name of the poison I'll write it to you.
Pumpkin Pie 1 pie
First you make the crust. You must have the receipe for that.
Put into the unbaked crust this mix.
1 cup pumpkin, I use a good brand. Festal is good.
2 eggs
1/4 cup cream (you can substitute milk)
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 te. cinnamon
1/2 te. nutmeg
1/2 te. ginger.
Reduce spices if less spicy pie is desired. I mix the spices and salt with the sugar, it mixes in quicker. I beat the egg whites stiff and then put the yolks in and beat then the smooth (and stiff) pumpkin and then the cream and milk and sugar-spice so I can use the beater till the end. Mixing the egg whites seperate give the pie a nicer look when done. It is done when it doesnt jiggle in the middle, and when it looks nice and brownish.
Cool + with whipped cream - sweetened - on - good luck
Love Ma
Grandma Celia hand wrote the date and the last note about whipped cream but the rest of the letter she wrote on her typewriter. A bit of tasty November family history for my girls! :-)
Celia's Pie for Celia
My grandmother's name was Celia. She was the most important person in my early life, a quiet force to be reckoned with, tender and tenacious. She was curious, and instilled in me a love for learning. She cared for the earth, taking the time to pull out weeds with awful prickly burrs and feed them to the cattle. No need for poisons or weed killers, just pay attention to the way the world works, she said, and sure enough the cattle would come running when they saw Grandma working the yard with her weed fork and bucket, standing at the fence waiting for her to come over and hand feed them. She also had a sense of humor and hated having her picture taken. My favorite picture of her is one taken in the kitchen of the house next door - my grandparents moved into the house next door to us when I was a toddler - Grandma is in her kitchen as usual, probably making bread, and when asked to look up for a picture she pulled a face and stuck out her tongue. Silly Grandma!
My oldest daughter is named for my grandmother, and like her namesake is tender and tenacious. She's also firm in her convictions, but true to the times, she is freer to speak her mind. And just like her great-grandma, she highly values the right to vote.
For Thanksgiving, she's voting for pie! So, for the Thanksgiving table, here is the pumpkin pie recipe I use most often. It comes from my 1956 Betty Crocker's Picture Cook Book - which I recently discovered is valuable enough to be part of the University of Houston Hilton College of Hotel and Restaurant Management's library archives!
Make pastry for one crust pie.
Step one: go to the Shaw's and buy Crisco sticks. Get the blue packages, not the yellow ones. The sticks are easy to measure and less messy. If you don't have a pastry blender, pick up one of those too. It's not expensive and really helps.
Mix together 1 cup sifted flour (I use store brand unbleached all purpose flour) and 1/2 tsp salt.
Cut in with pastry blender 1/3 cup shortening.
Sprinkle with 2 Tablespoons cold water. Mix with fork until all the flour is moistened. Gather dough together with fingers until it cleans the bowl, press firmly into a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and let rest in fridge.
Some bakers will at this point flatten the dough into a disk (not rolling out) and then wrap and let rest in fridge.
When the filling is ready, roll out the dough and ease into your pan. Leave at least 1/2 an inch overhanging the edge. Betty Crocker says to "build up a high fluted edge" and then to "hook points of fluted edge under pan rim to help prevent shrinking during baking". You can make a fluted edge by placing your left pointer finger on the outer edge of the rim and your right thumb and pointer finger on the inner edge and then pushing your fingers together, creating a "v" shape in the pie crust.
Tips for how to fill the crust follow the filling recipe.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Beat together with mixer:
1 3/4 cups mashed cooked pumpkin (in 1956 I guess they didn't use canned as much! I used Libby's Pumpkin when I used this recipe)
1/2 tsp salt
1 3/4 cups milk
3 eggs or 4 yolks
2/3 cup brown sugar (packed)
2 Tblsp granulated sugar
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cloves
Pour most of the mixture into the prepared pan. Open oven and pull out the rack. Place pie pan on the rack, and finish pouring the filling (this will help prevent spilling). Bake 45 to 55 minutes. The center make look soft but will continue to set. Serve slightly warm or cold.
Enjoy!
My oldest daughter is named for my grandmother, and like her namesake is tender and tenacious. She's also firm in her convictions, but true to the times, she is freer to speak her mind. And just like her great-grandma, she highly values the right to vote.
For Thanksgiving, she's voting for pie! So, for the Thanksgiving table, here is the pumpkin pie recipe I use most often. It comes from my 1956 Betty Crocker's Picture Cook Book - which I recently discovered is valuable enough to be part of the University of Houston Hilton College of Hotel and Restaurant Management's library archives!
Make pastry for one crust pie.
Step one: go to the Shaw's and buy Crisco sticks. Get the blue packages, not the yellow ones. The sticks are easy to measure and less messy. If you don't have a pastry blender, pick up one of those too. It's not expensive and really helps.
Mix together 1 cup sifted flour (I use store brand unbleached all purpose flour) and 1/2 tsp salt.
Cut in with pastry blender 1/3 cup shortening.
Sprinkle with 2 Tablespoons cold water. Mix with fork until all the flour is moistened. Gather dough together with fingers until it cleans the bowl, press firmly into a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and let rest in fridge.
Some bakers will at this point flatten the dough into a disk (not rolling out) and then wrap and let rest in fridge.
When the filling is ready, roll out the dough and ease into your pan. Leave at least 1/2 an inch overhanging the edge. Betty Crocker says to "build up a high fluted edge" and then to "hook points of fluted edge under pan rim to help prevent shrinking during baking". You can make a fluted edge by placing your left pointer finger on the outer edge of the rim and your right thumb and pointer finger on the inner edge and then pushing your fingers together, creating a "v" shape in the pie crust.
Tips for how to fill the crust follow the filling recipe.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Beat together with mixer:
1 3/4 cups mashed cooked pumpkin (in 1956 I guess they didn't use canned as much! I used Libby's Pumpkin when I used this recipe)
1/2 tsp salt
1 3/4 cups milk
3 eggs or 4 yolks
2/3 cup brown sugar (packed)
2 Tblsp granulated sugar
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cloves
Pour most of the mixture into the prepared pan. Open oven and pull out the rack. Place pie pan on the rack, and finish pouring the filling (this will help prevent spilling). Bake 45 to 55 minutes. The center make look soft but will continue to set. Serve slightly warm or cold.
Enjoy!
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