Struggles

A friend said to me yesterday "why don't you write about something else that you love, and try to get yourself jump started that way?" Such great advice.

For nearly a year I have struggled with writer's block. It seems that despite the multitude of thoughts running through my head, I just couldn't write anything. My papers are below par, some I have postponed, and I've only written two sermons and a couple newsletter articles. It has been beyond frustrating.

This summer I had the opportunity to teach a class on women in mission. It felt right to be teaching. However, it did lead to lots of questions about my degree program and where I am in the process. It is embarrassing to admit that while my classmates are all working on their comprehensive exams, I'm still working on my coursework. Dratted writing block. Even my college freshman daughter is giving me advice on how to write papers now. Humiliating.

There are a million distractions, some of them seem quite worthy. And that's been part of my struggle. I'm doing things that are important, but they aren't the work that I've been called to do. Which leads to another aspect of my struggle - I've been praying and praying about it but don't seem to get any answer. It's as if God isn't listening. Or perhaps God is listening but isn't answering. It's difficult to hang onto faith through such a long dry spell.

When my friend said that I should write about something that I love, I immediately thought of writing a sermon. I love preaching. And so I looked up the scriptures for this coming Sunday: Year C Proper 24

First Timothy 4:5 says: As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.

Luke 18:7 says: And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them?

If I was going to write a sermon on this Sunday's lectionary readings, it would be a sermon for an audience of one: me. Clearly the Spirit is working here. I see in these readings a clear message of persistence and faith. It's as though the Spirit is saying "don't give up! hold fast to your dream, do the work set before you, no matter how hard."

Just the other day a high school sophomore asked me to edit an English paper of hers on persistence and diligence, sort of an encouragement essay. I suppose I should have been reading more for content than for grammar! It seems the Spirit is speaking in that direction, and I am listening, through the struggle, through the doubt, through the inertia, toward the Call.