My Village

The saying goes... "...it takes a village..."

I have a village.  Not a village to help raise up a child (although I had one of those to help with the two of mine).  This time it's a village of women. 

Being a woman is complicated.  There are career paths, relationships, decisions about child bearing and then, depending on those decisions, more decisions about child rearing.  There are choices - focus on career/life partner/children - all choices that result in the prioritizing of one thing and the realization that others will not be a priority.  There's guilt.  There's women's bodies, women and aging, women and our parents, women and food.  It takes a village!

Women need a variety of female relationships throughout our lives.  You've probably seen pictures or posts about different kinds of friends or different seasons of friends through our lives, and I agree with aspects of those posts.  I'm coming to appreciate the different female relationships I have now in my life, as those women collectively make up a stunning constellation of wisdom and love that sustains my life.

One friend I've known since junior high.  She listens to me complain and laughs with me at the silliest things.  We've seen a lot in each other over the years.  Friends of long standing are essential.

A couple of dear friends encourage me to write and to care for my body.  They inspire me with their passion and verve for life.  Their artistic and creative vision is like a beacon on days when I struggle to see past my computer screen.  I hope to impress them, and that helps me to keep going.

A clergy friend listens whenever I am having a cynical day about pastoring.  She probably thinks that I'm Reverend Downer, but in reality, we don't often get to connect and somehow it is usually when I need to vent.  For her listening ear, I'm ever grateful, and being with her always makes me commit myself anew to listening more carefully to others.

Another clergy friend of mine has recently begun meeting with me as we hold each other accountable on our academic work.  She's writing a D.Min. thesis and I'm beginning my dissertation research.  We share similar visions for ministry and academic work, it is a fruitful and joyful relationship.  I hesitated to join a writing accountability group but now wish I'd done so earlier.

My mentor is a female academic, and I'd give anything to make her proud of my work.  She could see potential in me that I could not when I began this academic program.  Now it feels as though I'm on the cusp of some new phase of my life, and I can't quite see it yet, but I know that if I am faithful to the work she's helped me to sketch out, it will come clear in time.  Patience, hard work, and dedication are necessary.

My oldest daughter is becoming my friend.  A treasure I didn't expect.  I think I laugh more with her than with anyone else.  What a joy.  My younger daughter is still my little girl, who needs me still, and that is a treasure too.

There are young women who I mentor - discerning calls to ministry or working through a new path in ministry.  These are informal mentoring relationships, and I doubt they realize how much they give back to me in our conversations.  There are women I've met through various church functions whose friendships have grown over time, even though I've moved away from where they live.  There are women I have met through other friends, who comment on things through facebook or send me emails, and who probably don't know that they are part of the constellation of women whose lives sparkle and shine through the dark times in my life.  There are old, dear friends, those I've found thanks to facebook, after long years apart, lost time made up for in a few shared photos and smiles.

A village of women - fierce, passionate, dedicated, creative, loving, supportive, challenging, fabulous women.  It's my village, and they make me a better person.