Yesterday I worked in the back garden. A few weeks ago I bought two grapevines to use as sermon illustrations. I planted one at the campus ministry building, near a trellis that didn't have anything growing on it. The students planted a Carolina jessamine on the other side, which grows faster and will cover the trellis with pretty yellow blossoms.

The second grapevine came home with me and has been standing in its plastic bag out in our front flower bed (which isn't very flower-y, but that's a project for another day). I dug a nice hole out by the back fence, where we had seven pine trees removed last year. The instructions on the vine said to fill the hole with water, wait for it to be absorbed, then fill in with some nice soil and then plant the vine. It would appear that the soil we have out back is of the clay variety - not very absorbent! Eventually I left it to sit over night.

Meanwhile I dug out three shrubs against the house that I didn't much like. These were up against the chimney. Originally I'd planned to put in an Italian cypress (tall and skinny) there but James doesn't want something that may have roots pushing against the foundation. Plan B is to plant seeds there with a nice metal trellis (which will be purchased after the next payday). James gave me moonflower and morning glory seeds in my birthday gardening basket, and I think they will look nice there. Just have to figure out what to plant that will put a bit of color lower to the ground now.

Of course, as it is with my garden, one project leads to another. The grass has pushed the brick edging so that it has tipped toward the house rather than standing straight up. Working with the bricks isn't easy. They are scalloped cement things that interlock with one another, so if you take one out, the next has to come out and they have to be put back together just so. James came out and saw what I'd gotten stuck into and said that he will help with that part of the project. He was also impressed with my shrub removal - called me Mrs. Muscles!

This morning my devotional reading was all about healing. Jesus healing a girl who had died and healing a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years. That particular passage has come to mind every time I pray in the last week or so. I really resonate with that passage. The agony of not finding healing, the stigma of being an outsider (she was not "clean" and so couldn't be part of the society), and the way she knows hope just by reaching out for his robe, not to spend time with Jesus, not to interrupt his work or speak to him, just to touch the hem of his robe. That hope and certainty is often my prayer. The other scripture readings came from the Psalms and talked about how God hears the cries of God's people and rescues them. I didn't realize that those verses in the Psalm were intertwined with passages about planting and establishing fruitful gardens. Gardening is a labor intensive process. It takes care, attention, hard work, and getting dirty. Perhaps that is a good way to imagine the Spirit at work in my life: caring, paying attention, working on my stubborn ways, digging out the weeds and nurturing the seedlings that will bear fruit.

And now it's time for me to go finish planting that grapevine. It's a good Friday.

The "Real" Job

My goodness. It's been nearly a year since I wrote a post. I hadn't realized how long I'd let the blog lie fallow. So much has happened in that time. I worked my retail job at the mall for just over a year. I miss my friends at the store, but I don't miss getting up before dawn and working in the heat and dark, or the pressure and stress. I am at the end of a temporary assignment - church related but not in a church. It's been a hectic but productive six months. I have earned enough to cover tuition for the fall 2012 semester, which is a relief. Once this job ends in May, I won't have a job and I'm not looking for one. More on that in a bit. In the past year I have also realized that I'd been struggling through a depression. I don't quite know when it started, or how it is that I managed to start coming out of it. The best way I can describe it is sluggish. I just didn't have enough energy for everything that needed to be done. I managed to work the mall job, managed to keep the house clean and the family fed, and managed to pass one comprehensive exam, but each of those just barely. Depression is like molasses - the jar of it sits at the back of the pantry, nearly forgotten behind the often used cinnamon and garlic salt. Molasses is sticky and slow moving. Depression is like that - dark, quiet, sticky. Hard to get over, especially if you don't realize that's the problem. That one comprehensive exam took all of my energy. My advisors required a retake on two of the three questions, which was a real blow. It was hard to study all over again, but I pulled things together and managed to master the material. I don't quite know how I got so far off track that I lost sight of the path, but I managed to get back on, thanks to the dedication, support and encouragement of my advisor. I will be forever grateful for her kind words and guidance. This spring we have put in a garden again. My Lenten journey has been spent digging out weeds, turning over soil, mixing in compost, preparing rows and hills, planting seeds and seedlings. James built a compost bin so we are composting all our vegetable waste and yard trimmings. We're making our own mulch, which is a lot harder work than buying bags of it at the big box home improvement store. Somewhere in all that garden preparation I realized that my income-earning jobs have gotten in the way of my vocation, my "real" job. My vocation is my studies and my teaching. I've discovered through teaching women's groups in the past year that teaching energizes me, and gives me purpose. So when the temporary job ends in May, I will not begin a frantic search for more income. I am already re-focusing on my bibliographies and the next two comprehensive exams. They are my vocation, my calling. It is scary to trust that God will provide if I am faithful to that calling, but that is what I am doing. Digging out weeds, turning over soil, making preparation for seeds, nurturing tiny new plants - these are good exercises for the soul. I'll try to post pictures of the garden. Gardening gives me hope, and my prayers are turning to hope again as well. It's been a long dark year, but the light of hope is on the horizon. Thanks be to God.

Argh.

Either the garden bench hadn't aged well in the hot Texas summers, or I don't know my own strength. I could just cry.

One of my summer Texas projects was to sand, paint the metal and protect the wood on my garden bench. My meditation garden is my retreat, my gift from James and the girls. It's one of my favorite places to sit in all the world. And now I've gone and ruined it.

This morning, as the girls are off for a visit with their dad and half sisters, I was tackling the garden bench project. Sanded everything, used a metal scrapy-brush thing on the metal bits, brushed it all off with a clean paint brush and was in the middle of putting painter's tape on the wood so I could spray Rust-Oleum on the metal parts.

As I tipped the bench backward (to easier reach the underside of the slats, I thought) one of the back legs broke off.

I'm devastated. My beautiful bench! How will I sit and enjoy the fountain now? All the lovely birds at the feeders! It's not like we have the money to just pop out and buy another one. The girls are flying back to Boston in a month, I've got to drive back to meet them - and all that costs a bundle, not to mention all the other expenses this summer. Sheesh. I should have waited until James was home on the weekend and asked for help.

I even took a "before" picture becaus I was so excited about this project!

Argh. Bah. Feh. Humbug. Pbbbbbbth.

Garden Gifts - August 18, 2007

A few years ago, my husband decided to create a little garden on the kitchen side of our house. The fence facing the street had been at the back corner of the house, but he moved it forward to the front corner.
Next, he put a picket fence across from the back corner of the house to the side fence, with a gate in the middle. Then he built an arbor, a sturdy one not like the flimsy ones you get at garden centers.
Then he took me on a shopping expedition at Plant & Garden World. All my favorites! We planned, set things out, and started digging.
On my birthday, my parents gave me a bench. James and the girls went out and bought a beautiful fountain for me. We already had a bird bath, and all those went into the garden too.
James and the girls worked hard to level out the ground under the fountain and birdbath, getting it just right.
As you step into the garden, the Carolina jessamine vine curls around the arbor. The Indian hawthorne is to your right, covered in pink blossoms in the spring. Next is a big gardenia, which has several fragrant white blossoms right now. At the back is the Sweet Olive, then on the left a big Mexican Fire bush, which the hummingbirds and butterflies love.
This summer, James and Celia found a little bush in our pine grove and put it into the garden just in front of the Fire bush. It's got little white blossoms and tiny fruit which starts green and turns deep orange. We don't quite know what it is, but we like it.
Next on the left is my Mountain laurel. It's slow growing, and small for now, but it will be taller in a few years. In the spring, it has clusters of purple blossoms that look a bit like grapes and smell like grape Kool Aid. :-)
Finally, at the front left is the crowning glory of the garden - a huge bottlebrush. As I write, the hummingbirds are zooming around like mad, sampling every bright red blossom. They zip from the Fire bush in the back yard, back to the little garden to the bottlebrush, then to the Fire bush in the little garden, and then zoom off again. Makes me laugh!
This summer I've put a hummingbird feeder on the arbor. We filled the other bird feeder with seed and hung it too. The squirrels try to get in, but this one closes when they put any weight on it. It's just for the birds!
When I sit in my meditation garden, I can see James' tree farm in the pine grove. He'll be able to quit his job some day, and follow his dream with those little trees.
I will miss my meditation garden. It was a gift of love, and I know I am cherished because of it. I will miss the peace I find in my garden.