Last night Celia wanted to have a girls movie night. We chose "I Dreamed of Africa", a movie James gave me a few years ago. It's the story of Kuki Gallmann and her life in Kenya. http://www.gallmannkenya.org/index.php It was a hard life, with a high cost. But her heart was there, with the people and the animals of Africa.
Watching the film, seeing the skies and landscape of Africa, I began to wonder. Everyone in Kuki's life except her husband and son tried to discourage her from living there. Even after years had gone by, they tried to get her to leave.
What is it about Africa that makes people not want you to go? What is it about Africa that calls to you?
When I began to understand that God had called me into the ministry, there were precious few who encouraged me. I was dismissed, discouraged, and laughed at. And yet, I knew in my heart that although the path wasn't clear I had to follow God's leading.
When I talk about South Africa, it's deja vu. I'm too old. It's just a dream. It's a distraction. And people want to know why, but when I talk with them, I can see my answers don't convince them.
I have to wonder, when even James questions me, if maybe I'm not hearing God, but just following a rabbit trail? Why then does my heart feel like it's breaking?
Obviously, more prayer is required before this all comes clear. And reading the journals of missionary women in the 1800's is stirring up my mind as well. No matter what, I will continue to trust in God, and to keep positive and determined, as James reminded me just a few days ago. Hopefully God will make a way for us to be together again soon.
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