It's Friday. That to-do list of mine...it's not done. The most important stuff for Sunday is done, but all the other important stuff, well, I should get to it today. It might help if I find all the scraps of paper strewn around the house with the different bits of the to-do list stuff on them....
Meanwhile, in the spirit of procrastination, I'll answer the RevGalBlogPals Friday Five for your entertainment. It's all about grocery shopping in honor of a Trader Joe's opening:
So in honor of the new Trader Joe's, this week's Friday Five is all about food shopping.
1. Grocery shopping--love it or hate it?
I love it. Actually like grocery shopping several times a week, little trips just picking up what we need for meals.
2. Who is the primary food shopper in your household?
Me! Lucky me. But Celia has appointed herself the primary "Put Away" person because she is so organized.
3. Do you have a beloved store like TJ's which is unique to your location or family?
No, not really. There's a Shaw's down the street from our apartment, so I can walk to the store. But the stores in Texas have tortillerias, so I can get fresh tortillas anytime. I miss that ALOT.
4. How about a farmer's market, or CSA share, as we move into summer? Or do you grow your own fruits/veggies/herbs?
There are two farmer's markets in town we can walk to, but only one is fairly local. I don't know where farmer's markets are in Texas, I'll have to search for one. I used to have a garden and sold my produce at the Walker County Farmer's Market, when the girls were really young. Just load stuff up in the back of the truck, park next to the other folks, drop the tailgate, and voila! Farmer's Market. lol
5. What's the favorite thing you buy at the grocery store?
I don't have a favorite thing to buy. There are lots of things I buy regularly, lots of juice and milk and stuff.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It's time to slow it down a little
My brain is full. I made a silly goof today, via email. Sent out the wrong document to SO many of my Sunday school parents and all of my teachers. Ugh. Nothing to do but to admit the mistake and send out the correct document, which I've done. At least the correct document had the right work done for Sunday.
At the moment there are too many details for me to be thinking about, and there has been company on top of all the lists and decisions in my head. There doesn't seem to be a spare moment to relax or get centered - and yet I know that if I could make the time to relax and get centered, things would come clear.
One of the girls asked me a few minutes ago for some homework help. After I'd answered her question, I went back to watching mindless television. When the next ad came on, I asked if she needed any more help, and she said no. I said "that's good because I think my brain was still trying to think."
And that, my friends, is how I know I'm too tired. LOL
At the moment there are too many details for me to be thinking about, and there has been company on top of all the lists and decisions in my head. There doesn't seem to be a spare moment to relax or get centered - and yet I know that if I could make the time to relax and get centered, things would come clear.
One of the girls asked me a few minutes ago for some homework help. After I'd answered her question, I went back to watching mindless television. When the next ad came on, I asked if she needed any more help, and she said no. I said "that's good because I think my brain was still trying to think."
And that, my friends, is how I know I'm too tired. LOL
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Friday on Thursday
Today is travel day, back to the cooler temperatures of New England. I miss the girls, and I love to fly, but I don't like to pack. I'm not packing right now, thus the blogging. Guess that makes this the Procrastination Blog.
However, I don't have any clever new ideas for blogging, so this one is from last Friday's RevGalBlogPals "Friday Five". Friday on Thursday - there ya go!
"Here is your chance to get it out into the open and OWN your Big To-Do! Who knows? Maybe making the list will help you move the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-Da!"
1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do?
We're still trying to fix up the house after the renters messed it up. Lots of painting, carpet has some odd bright pink spots, etc. James has some roofers coming this week to look at the roof, seems Ike left some damage and it needs fixing. But the roof is not on MY list. lol
2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do?
American Society of Missiology and International Association of Practical Theologians, both conferences later this summer. My first professional organizational meetings! Whee!
3) What trip is on your Big To-Do?
Driving the girls down to Texas. I think we'll probably stop at a college or two for Celia along the way. The girls are great road trip buddies. Should be fun!
4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do?
Getting another mammogram later this summer. And dealing with all of last year's medical bills, that giant stack on the table awaiting payment. That could be on any celebrity's list, would only take a second to pay off!
5) Getting inspired? What may end this summer having moved from the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-da?
Moving the kids back to Texas will definitely get done. Moving me to tiny room will definitely get done. Painting? Not sure. Celia making a decision about what schools to apply to? Hopefully. Getting that mammogram? Inevitable. ~sigh~
However, I don't have any clever new ideas for blogging, so this one is from last Friday's RevGalBlogPals "Friday Five". Friday on Thursday - there ya go!
"Here is your chance to get it out into the open and OWN your Big To-Do! Who knows? Maybe making the list will help you move the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-Da!"
1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do?
We're still trying to fix up the house after the renters messed it up. Lots of painting, carpet has some odd bright pink spots, etc. James has some roofers coming this week to look at the roof, seems Ike left some damage and it needs fixing. But the roof is not on MY list. lol
2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do?
American Society of Missiology and International Association of Practical Theologians, both conferences later this summer. My first professional organizational meetings! Whee!
3) What trip is on your Big To-Do?
Driving the girls down to Texas. I think we'll probably stop at a college or two for Celia along the way. The girls are great road trip buddies. Should be fun!
4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do?
Getting another mammogram later this summer. And dealing with all of last year's medical bills, that giant stack on the table awaiting payment. That could be on any celebrity's list, would only take a second to pay off!
5) Getting inspired? What may end this summer having moved from the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-da?
Moving the kids back to Texas will definitely get done. Moving me to tiny room will definitely get done. Painting? Not sure. Celia making a decision about what schools to apply to? Hopefully. Getting that mammogram? Inevitable. ~sigh~
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
How time flies
Time flies when you ignore your blog.
I confess that I've had a hard time focusing on the blog, and thus have ignored it rather than write anything. I've had several good excuses. None worth putting down though.
It's June and I'm in Texas. Actually, today is my ninth wedding anniversary. :-) We'll have a braai and South African wine later to celebrate.
Yesterday I drove down to Galveston for the first time since Ike hit. The church is very different. The damage to the building has allowed for repair to the walls around the stained glass and new plexiglass to protect them. Other repairs have been made to the sanctuary floor, and new pews have been installed. The roof is having extensive repairs as well. Several of the staff told me that they were moving back into their homes this week. After lunch I drove around a bit to see the damage in town for myself. The homes were as expected, in various states of repair, some still down to studs inside.
But what took my breath away was the trees. No one told me that the trees would be so bare, so stark. The big old oaks lining Broadway - nearly all of them are completely bare. Oleanders were also killed off, and one intersection with several tall eucalyptus trees was empty, not a branch or tree trunk in sight. It was disorienting.
Someone told me that they'd recently been downtown on the Strand for a celebration of re-opening the downtown district. However, only one out of three businesses are back. The island is steadfastly repairing and building up again, but clearly Ike has taken a hard toll on Galvestonians.
Although it was mid-day, I stopped and went down to the water's edge. Typically I won't get outside between 11 and 3 in the summer (I'll burn in a second if I'm not covered in sunscreen) but I couldn't be at the Gulf and not touch the sand and water. It was really peaceful. Families playing, flying kites, guys out fishing, boards of all kinds in the water, and picnics under umbrellas and shelters.
The soft sand back toward the seawall was really hot, then over the dead sargasso grass, and then onto the hard pack sand near the water. Millions of tiny seashells washed back and forth in the gentle surf. The water was so warm and inviting, washing up over my ankles. Hard to comprehend that the laughter, the gulls calling, the seashells - all seem so fragile, so joyful - and yet they are all part of the wind and water that in a moment become so destructive.
So many times I've been tempted to leave out part of the Baptism ritual, because when you're holding someone's precious infant in your arms, you don't much want to talk about the destructive power of water. But water is also a creative force. Being at the Gulf reminded me of all the times I went with family and friends, all the laughter and joy we shared, such simple times. And yet it is that same water that has been spun up into hurricanes, and I've lived through eight or nine tropical storms and hurricanes in my life. Ike was the first bad one to hit the Texas coast while I was not there - and it hit the house I used to live in, hit the houses of my friends, my church members, my co-workers, hit the schools my children attended. The one news picture that has stuck in my mind is the one of little Kaitlin helping her dad to hand out ice in front of the church in the aftermath. Kaitlin was the first child I ever baptized, she and her baby brother.
Waters of the Gulf to play in. Waters of the Gulf destroying trees, homes, businesses. Waters of baptism, making us holy. Water frozen into ice, sustaining life after tragedy.
Rains fell as I drove onto the island yesterday, but it was sunny and hot there on the edge of the Gulf. Back across the hard packed sand and shells, across the sargasso grasses, through the soft hot sands, back up the steep steps to the top of the Seawall. Driving across the Causeway, I saw gathering clouds ahead, and as I left the island, the rain began to fall again.
I confess that I've had a hard time focusing on the blog, and thus have ignored it rather than write anything. I've had several good excuses. None worth putting down though.
It's June and I'm in Texas. Actually, today is my ninth wedding anniversary. :-) We'll have a braai and South African wine later to celebrate.
Yesterday I drove down to Galveston for the first time since Ike hit. The church is very different. The damage to the building has allowed for repair to the walls around the stained glass and new plexiglass to protect them. Other repairs have been made to the sanctuary floor, and new pews have been installed. The roof is having extensive repairs as well. Several of the staff told me that they were moving back into their homes this week. After lunch I drove around a bit to see the damage in town for myself. The homes were as expected, in various states of repair, some still down to studs inside.
But what took my breath away was the trees. No one told me that the trees would be so bare, so stark. The big old oaks lining Broadway - nearly all of them are completely bare. Oleanders were also killed off, and one intersection with several tall eucalyptus trees was empty, not a branch or tree trunk in sight. It was disorienting.
Someone told me that they'd recently been downtown on the Strand for a celebration of re-opening the downtown district. However, only one out of three businesses are back. The island is steadfastly repairing and building up again, but clearly Ike has taken a hard toll on Galvestonians.
Although it was mid-day, I stopped and went down to the water's edge. Typically I won't get outside between 11 and 3 in the summer (I'll burn in a second if I'm not covered in sunscreen) but I couldn't be at the Gulf and not touch the sand and water. It was really peaceful. Families playing, flying kites, guys out fishing, boards of all kinds in the water, and picnics under umbrellas and shelters.
The soft sand back toward the seawall was really hot, then over the dead sargasso grass, and then onto the hard pack sand near the water. Millions of tiny seashells washed back and forth in the gentle surf. The water was so warm and inviting, washing up over my ankles. Hard to comprehend that the laughter, the gulls calling, the seashells - all seem so fragile, so joyful - and yet they are all part of the wind and water that in a moment become so destructive.
So many times I've been tempted to leave out part of the Baptism ritual, because when you're holding someone's precious infant in your arms, you don't much want to talk about the destructive power of water. But water is also a creative force. Being at the Gulf reminded me of all the times I went with family and friends, all the laughter and joy we shared, such simple times. And yet it is that same water that has been spun up into hurricanes, and I've lived through eight or nine tropical storms and hurricanes in my life. Ike was the first bad one to hit the Texas coast while I was not there - and it hit the house I used to live in, hit the houses of my friends, my church members, my co-workers, hit the schools my children attended. The one news picture that has stuck in my mind is the one of little Kaitlin helping her dad to hand out ice in front of the church in the aftermath. Kaitlin was the first child I ever baptized, she and her baby brother.
Waters of the Gulf to play in. Waters of the Gulf destroying trees, homes, businesses. Waters of baptism, making us holy. Water frozen into ice, sustaining life after tragedy.
Rains fell as I drove onto the island yesterday, but it was sunny and hot there on the edge of the Gulf. Back across the hard packed sand and shells, across the sargasso grasses, through the soft hot sands, back up the steep steps to the top of the Seawall. Driving across the Causeway, I saw gathering clouds ahead, and as I left the island, the rain began to fall again.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
what are they gonna say?
So I was procrastinating this evening because I'm tired... and it occurred to me that I don't want people to come to my funeral and say "Sheesh, she was always so tired!" "Yeah, I'll bet she dropped from exhaustion finally." "You know she always wanted a peaceful life, and now she's got it."
No way!
I realize that it's been an extraordinarily busy last two weeks. And I also realize that I haven't been eating right. But I'm working to eliminate excuses and work toward my goals, so I'll just own up to being part of the "tired" problem and make small changes each day for the next month to improve things. No need to heap guilt on top of the exhaustion, hey?
Recently I've had several blog thoughts but not enough time to write them out. Hopefully as I make the small changes toward not being so tired, I'll have a few extra moments in my week to blog more often. I want to share about the high school students on my early morning train, lots of changes in nature, road trip adventures with the girls, and interesting things I'm reading. But not tonight. Tonight, I'm going to honor my body's need for a good night's rest. Peaceful dreams everybody.
No way!
I realize that it's been an extraordinarily busy last two weeks. And I also realize that I haven't been eating right. But I'm working to eliminate excuses and work toward my goals, so I'll just own up to being part of the "tired" problem and make small changes each day for the next month to improve things. No need to heap guilt on top of the exhaustion, hey?
Recently I've had several blog thoughts but not enough time to write them out. Hopefully as I make the small changes toward not being so tired, I'll have a few extra moments in my week to blog more often. I want to share about the high school students on my early morning train, lots of changes in nature, road trip adventures with the girls, and interesting things I'm reading. But not tonight. Tonight, I'm going to honor my body's need for a good night's rest. Peaceful dreams everybody.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
What I've learned about snow
Growing up in south Texas, all snow looked the same. It was on TV or movie screens, Christmas cards and paintings. It was always perfect, crisp, white and fun.
With two New England winters under my belt now, I can say that real snow isn't like the stuff on TV. It gets dirty quickly. You want it to be light and fluffy so it's easy to get off the car and out of the driveway, but the light and fluffy stuff doesn't make snowballs.
The just right for snowballs kind of snow doesn't fall very often. And "it's almost spring snow" tends to come with rain and sleet, so that it's a heavy wet mucky mess that won't make snowballs and won't come off the car easily. Shovelling the wet stuff is a major workout. I've also learned how to make the shovel work like a snow plow - less lifting that way.
All of the shoveling and clearing off can be good for the brain too. After getting the car out yesterday, I had a profound insight about violence and the nature of God while driving Mary Grace to piano lesson.
Only trouble is, I forgot it while waiting and listening to the background sounds of two guitar lessons and three piano lessons. So what I've learned about snow is all this blog is getting today. Being a mom and a theologian aren't always complementary vocations it appears!
With two New England winters under my belt now, I can say that real snow isn't like the stuff on TV. It gets dirty quickly. You want it to be light and fluffy so it's easy to get off the car and out of the driveway, but the light and fluffy stuff doesn't make snowballs.
The just right for snowballs kind of snow doesn't fall very often. And "it's almost spring snow" tends to come with rain and sleet, so that it's a heavy wet mucky mess that won't make snowballs and won't come off the car easily. Shovelling the wet stuff is a major workout. I've also learned how to make the shovel work like a snow plow - less lifting that way.
All of the shoveling and clearing off can be good for the brain too. After getting the car out yesterday, I had a profound insight about violence and the nature of God while driving Mary Grace to piano lesson.
Only trouble is, I forgot it while waiting and listening to the background sounds of two guitar lessons and three piano lessons. So what I've learned about snow is all this blog is getting today. Being a mom and a theologian aren't always complementary vocations it appears!
Monday, March 9, 2009
can I edit these bits out?
It's confession time: I'd like to edit out parts of the Bible.
I don't suppose that's the "right" point of view, certainly not orthodox, but honestly, there are just bits I don't like and don't line up with my images of God.
When I pray, I tend to focus on the mercy and love of God, on God's demands that we live with justice, humility and mercy, on the grace of Jesus Christ and the open invitation to all to come and leave their burdens. This morning's lectionary readings bump right up against that comfortable imagery and confuse me greatly. I'd like to be a pacifist and am mostly so, fighting against my own tendencies to use words as weapons.
But then I read from Jeremiah 1, where God summons all the northern kingdoms to come and "pronounce judgement" on the people through war. And Psalm 58, in which the writer asks God to break the teeth of the wicked:
"Like a slug melting away as it moves along, like a stillborn child, may they not see the sun." "The righteous will be glad when they are avenged, when they bathe their feet in the blood of the wicked. Then men will say, 'Surely the righteous still are rewarded; surely there is a God who judges the earth.'"
This makes me so uncomfortable. How can I reconcile these passages, these images of God with Jesus telling the disciples to turn the other cheek? Certainly both are valid images of God if we take the Bible to be normative for the Christian faith?
I fully realize that we need the entirety of the Bible to help us hear the whole story of God's people, and that we need the entirety of the Bible to help us know what we can of God (as little as that may be), but I have to say, I'd rather not have the war bits, the violence against enemies and such. I also realize that the uncomfortable parts are probably where God is teaching me and stretching my mind and heart, but sheesh. Isn't there an easier way? Perhaps I should do my personal devotional time at the theology school library, with a stack of commentaries by my side to help process things!
I don't suppose that's the "right" point of view, certainly not orthodox, but honestly, there are just bits I don't like and don't line up with my images of God.
When I pray, I tend to focus on the mercy and love of God, on God's demands that we live with justice, humility and mercy, on the grace of Jesus Christ and the open invitation to all to come and leave their burdens. This morning's lectionary readings bump right up against that comfortable imagery and confuse me greatly. I'd like to be a pacifist and am mostly so, fighting against my own tendencies to use words as weapons.
But then I read from Jeremiah 1, where God summons all the northern kingdoms to come and "pronounce judgement" on the people through war. And Psalm 58, in which the writer asks God to break the teeth of the wicked:
"Like a slug melting away as it moves along, like a stillborn child, may they not see the sun." "The righteous will be glad when they are avenged, when they bathe their feet in the blood of the wicked. Then men will say, 'Surely the righteous still are rewarded; surely there is a God who judges the earth.'"
This makes me so uncomfortable. How can I reconcile these passages, these images of God with Jesus telling the disciples to turn the other cheek? Certainly both are valid images of God if we take the Bible to be normative for the Christian faith?
I fully realize that we need the entirety of the Bible to help us hear the whole story of God's people, and that we need the entirety of the Bible to help us know what we can of God (as little as that may be), but I have to say, I'd rather not have the war bits, the violence against enemies and such. I also realize that the uncomfortable parts are probably where God is teaching me and stretching my mind and heart, but sheesh. Isn't there an easier way? Perhaps I should do my personal devotional time at the theology school library, with a stack of commentaries by my side to help process things!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
persistent snows
The spirituality of persistence may be slow in coming along - but the persistence of snows, on the other hand, is quite evident. A foot on Monday, and more again this week. No matter how fast it melts off or how we're teased with sunny skies, it just keeps coming. My initial enthusiasm for "real" winter has worn right off.
The story of Hannah and her persistence, however, has not worn off. Hannah comes to mind over and over again as I pray through this topic. I wonder what it must have been like, to be one of many wives? To know that no matter how much her husband loved her, she wasn't as valuable as the other wife. Her anguished prayers haunt me.
Is Hannah an example of the spirituality of persistence? Or an example of faith? She made an outrageous promise and kept it - how it must have hurt to give up the one thing she wanted more than anything else. This morning's lectionary reading from Genesis was about God's covenant with Abraham and Sarah. I told the children at church how God promises to be with us, even when we can't see it - like the flower seeds that will grow, even if they can't see them growing under ground. Perhaps that speaks to this spirituality of persistence that has been in my mind so often - that it is true as the hymn says, in the cold and snow of winter, lies a spring that waits to be, unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
Which makes my heart ache. How long will the spring I'm praying for remain unrevealed? How long will the snows of suffering keep falling? Like Hannah, I keep pouring out my heart... and waiting.
The story of Hannah and her persistence, however, has not worn off. Hannah comes to mind over and over again as I pray through this topic. I wonder what it must have been like, to be one of many wives? To know that no matter how much her husband loved her, she wasn't as valuable as the other wife. Her anguished prayers haunt me.
Is Hannah an example of the spirituality of persistence? Or an example of faith? She made an outrageous promise and kept it - how it must have hurt to give up the one thing she wanted more than anything else. This morning's lectionary reading from Genesis was about God's covenant with Abraham and Sarah. I told the children at church how God promises to be with us, even when we can't see it - like the flower seeds that will grow, even if they can't see them growing under ground. Perhaps that speaks to this spirituality of persistence that has been in my mind so often - that it is true as the hymn says, in the cold and snow of winter, lies a spring that waits to be, unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
Which makes my heart ache. How long will the spring I'm praying for remain unrevealed? How long will the snows of suffering keep falling? Like Hannah, I keep pouring out my heart... and waiting.
Monday, March 2, 2009
March Snows and Lent Disciplines
Spring is delayed. We've had a big snow storm. Schools cancelled, people told to stay home and off the roads. Seems we'll have to wait a bit longer for warmer weather.
Lent has begun, the season of preparation for Easter. I've made Lent wait, pondering and praying what my discipine of preparation should be. Giving up a food or drink is so popular and doesn't really help me focus and prepare. I've settled on a financial sacrifice. Normally I give to the church, but many times I forget in the hustle and bustle of regular life. So I have decided to be more intentional about giving locally, and to make some contributions to special causes I feel are doing good work quietly.
Seasons of waiting and quiet growth. Requires things like digging out and being patient. I'd rather skip right to the beautiful blossoms of spring, but I know I'll enjoy it more if I do the work, listen through the silence, and wait for God's time.
In the meantime, I'll try not to think of all the bluebonnets down in Texas, which I've heard are blooming. How I miss the Texas wildflowers in spring!
Lent has begun, the season of preparation for Easter. I've made Lent wait, pondering and praying what my discipine of preparation should be. Giving up a food or drink is so popular and doesn't really help me focus and prepare. I've settled on a financial sacrifice. Normally I give to the church, but many times I forget in the hustle and bustle of regular life. So I have decided to be more intentional about giving locally, and to make some contributions to special causes I feel are doing good work quietly.
Seasons of waiting and quiet growth. Requires things like digging out and being patient. I'd rather skip right to the beautiful blossoms of spring, but I know I'll enjoy it more if I do the work, listen through the silence, and wait for God's time.
In the meantime, I'll try not to think of all the bluebonnets down in Texas, which I've heard are blooming. How I miss the Texas wildflowers in spring!
Friday, January 23, 2009
where is persistence
This has been an amazing week. Went to a lecture celebrating Rev Dr Martin Luther King Jr which was outstanding. The lecture hall was filled - overflow crowd went to watch a live feed in another room, I am so hopeful for our future with all those young people joyfully carrying on King's legacy and work, especially his work against poverty and for social justice. Then on Tuesday watched the inauguration with hundreds of college students and grad students - again, a joyous and hope-filled occasion for our country.
Gathering with other people in lecture halls, listening to speeches, crying together, laughing together - these are bodily ways of continuing to walk together toward God's vision for all humanity. As I listened to the benediction at the inauguration, I saw a bit of the spirituality of persistence that has been in my thoughts lately. Pastors and persons of faith have not worked as individuals but as gathered people of faith - sometimes in front page ways and for many years now in quiet ways that don't make the news. Persistence can be a speech that echoes through a crowd of millions down through the years - but I think most of the time persistence is a quiet movement, a bodily experience.
Spirit and body, or mind and body, cannot be separated in a spirituality of persistence. To carry on in spite of.... to keep walking even when you are exhausted... to keep praying on your knees in spite of all evidence to the contrary... to reach out and hold another person's hand when you are too weak to carry on....
"To a feminist theologian the splitting of our bodies from our spirits, minds, or emotions simply does not make sense. I don't know where the spirit resides other than in my body. What happens in my belly is not unconnected to my brain. I am not advocating that one collapse different aspects of the human person into an amorphous jelly, or saying that my longing to be held is exactly the same as my ability to explain an isosceles triangle. What I do reject is a hierarchy that gives more importance and therefore more power to certain qualities of being human over others, and does so in terms of gender." Denise Ackermann, pg 78, After the Locusts
Ackermann says it well - spirit and body are not one undifferentiated substance, but my understanding and experience of spirit is mediated through my understanding (my brain) and my experience (my body). To persist in following the journey of my questions, to persist in my journey of prayer, to persist in faith when the way is dark and uncertain, this spirituality is what I have lived and what has carried me thus far.
Gathering with other people in lecture halls, listening to speeches, crying together, laughing together - these are bodily ways of continuing to walk together toward God's vision for all humanity. As I listened to the benediction at the inauguration, I saw a bit of the spirituality of persistence that has been in my thoughts lately. Pastors and persons of faith have not worked as individuals but as gathered people of faith - sometimes in front page ways and for many years now in quiet ways that don't make the news. Persistence can be a speech that echoes through a crowd of millions down through the years - but I think most of the time persistence is a quiet movement, a bodily experience.
Spirit and body, or mind and body, cannot be separated in a spirituality of persistence. To carry on in spite of.... to keep walking even when you are exhausted... to keep praying on your knees in spite of all evidence to the contrary... to reach out and hold another person's hand when you are too weak to carry on....
"To a feminist theologian the splitting of our bodies from our spirits, minds, or emotions simply does not make sense. I don't know where the spirit resides other than in my body. What happens in my belly is not unconnected to my brain. I am not advocating that one collapse different aspects of the human person into an amorphous jelly, or saying that my longing to be held is exactly the same as my ability to explain an isosceles triangle. What I do reject is a hierarchy that gives more importance and therefore more power to certain qualities of being human over others, and does so in terms of gender." Denise Ackermann, pg 78, After the Locusts
Ackermann says it well - spirit and body are not one undifferentiated substance, but my understanding and experience of spirit is mediated through my understanding (my brain) and my experience (my body). To persist in following the journey of my questions, to persist in my journey of prayer, to persist in faith when the way is dark and uncertain, this spirituality is what I have lived and what has carried me thus far.
Friday, January 16, 2009
persistence
This morning a blue jay greeted me, coming up to the feeder as I looked out the window at the day. Jays don't often come up to my feeders, so this was a treat.
Lately I've been thinking quite a lot about persistence. Perhaps it's because I've got a stubborn streak, or perhaps it's because my mother often told me that I didn't have "stick-to-it-ivness" - no matter what the cause, I am rather persistent now.
More than one of my friends have in recent days written to me about their spiritual struggles. They are having difficulty perceiving God, feeling abandoned to muddle through on their own. Different situations, but each difficult.
I hope they are each able to hang on, to pray persistently through the darkness. I've been thinking about different people from scripture who persisted through the darkness, those who clung to their faith. Haven't had time yet to work through scripture to find them, but hope to blog about this again soon. The spirituality of persistence seems to be an important theme.
Until then, I'll keep watching the feeder and the birds who visit through these cold winter months, and hope the robins come back soon.
Lately I've been thinking quite a lot about persistence. Perhaps it's because I've got a stubborn streak, or perhaps it's because my mother often told me that I didn't have "stick-to-it-ivness" - no matter what the cause, I am rather persistent now.
More than one of my friends have in recent days written to me about their spiritual struggles. They are having difficulty perceiving God, feeling abandoned to muddle through on their own. Different situations, but each difficult.
I hope they are each able to hang on, to pray persistently through the darkness. I've been thinking about different people from scripture who persisted through the darkness, those who clung to their faith. Haven't had time yet to work through scripture to find them, but hope to blog about this again soon. The spirituality of persistence seems to be an important theme.
Until then, I'll keep watching the feeder and the birds who visit through these cold winter months, and hope the robins come back soon.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
twilight, dawn and all that kind of stuff
I have a confession. I don't like Twilight.
Both girls have read the series, Mary Grace is a big fan. James even read Twilight (and I'm not going to question why an adult male would want to read a book with a 17 year old girl as narrator). We went to see the movie as a family. It was entertaining enough.
However...
James left the novel for me to read, so I've been giving it a try. I don't like it. Never mind that this puts me clearly in the minority opinion of this series. Never mind that I can't actually tell the family I don't like it. I simply do not like this book.
I expected the novel to be better than the film, but it hasn't captured my attention. I'm also reading the Harry Potter series for the first time, after having watched the movies with the family as well. I like that series, so it's not fantasy or young adult fiction that I'm opposed to - it's the melodramatic, overstated restrained passions, the delicate fainting female lead, the perfection of the men, the "I'm not good enough" routines.... I can't even write coherently about it, it bothers me so much.
This harks back several years ago, when I took a course in European History from 1815 to 1914, and we read Frankenstein, Dracula and Germinal. I enjoyed Germinal. Hated Frankenstein and Dracula. The lead character in Frankenstein drove me crazy - make a decision and stick with it, stop complaining and moaning about everything! In Dracula, the limp, weak women bothered me no end. Why did all the male characters resist the vampire, but none of the women could?
So here we are, 2009 and another woman falls weakly for the "dazzling" so-called perfection of her male hero. ~sigh~ I sure hope I can find books with smart, decisive, independent women as lead characters and suggest that the girls give those books a try.
Next week I'm back to academic reading, have put in my book orders and they've started to arrive. Twilight and Mr. Potter will have to wait for another day.
Both girls have read the series, Mary Grace is a big fan. James even read Twilight (and I'm not going to question why an adult male would want to read a book with a 17 year old girl as narrator). We went to see the movie as a family. It was entertaining enough.
However...
James left the novel for me to read, so I've been giving it a try. I don't like it. Never mind that this puts me clearly in the minority opinion of this series. Never mind that I can't actually tell the family I don't like it. I simply do not like this book.
I expected the novel to be better than the film, but it hasn't captured my attention. I'm also reading the Harry Potter series for the first time, after having watched the movies with the family as well. I like that series, so it's not fantasy or young adult fiction that I'm opposed to - it's the melodramatic, overstated restrained passions, the delicate fainting female lead, the perfection of the men, the "I'm not good enough" routines.... I can't even write coherently about it, it bothers me so much.
This harks back several years ago, when I took a course in European History from 1815 to 1914, and we read Frankenstein, Dracula and Germinal. I enjoyed Germinal. Hated Frankenstein and Dracula. The lead character in Frankenstein drove me crazy - make a decision and stick with it, stop complaining and moaning about everything! In Dracula, the limp, weak women bothered me no end. Why did all the male characters resist the vampire, but none of the women could?
So here we are, 2009 and another woman falls weakly for the "dazzling" so-called perfection of her male hero. ~sigh~ I sure hope I can find books with smart, decisive, independent women as lead characters and suggest that the girls give those books a try.
Next week I'm back to academic reading, have put in my book orders and they've started to arrive. Twilight and Mr. Potter will have to wait for another day.
Monday, January 5, 2009
It's that time again
It's time to pack up the Christmas decorations. Today I took down the Epiphany star we have hanging out on our balcony. Mary Grace made it from a Martha Stewart pattern, it's light stars strung together, so pretty.
I have to confess that I'm ready for Christmas to be done. I like having all my decorations out, the old familiar story books, each of the ornaments that hold cherished memories of family and friends. Memory and nostalgia are nice, but there comes a day when it's time to shift focus and look toward the new year.
That day is today. Celia has been working on a major room re-organization project for the girls. I've been working on calendars and scheduling issues. It feels good to be ready for whatever comes next.
In late 2007 I started the habit of kneeling to pray every evening. That habit has given me strength and courage to face the challenges placed in my path. I've been thinking about my blog title, and it's really true - I didn't plan to be here, in this place, in these circumstances... but I do like it, and with the grace of God, I'll make it through another year.
Enough with philosophical mullings, it's time to pack up another box.
I have to confess that I'm ready for Christmas to be done. I like having all my decorations out, the old familiar story books, each of the ornaments that hold cherished memories of family and friends. Memory and nostalgia are nice, but there comes a day when it's time to shift focus and look toward the new year.
That day is today. Celia has been working on a major room re-organization project for the girls. I've been working on calendars and scheduling issues. It feels good to be ready for whatever comes next.
In late 2007 I started the habit of kneeling to pray every evening. That habit has given me strength and courage to face the challenges placed in my path. I've been thinking about my blog title, and it's really true - I didn't plan to be here, in this place, in these circumstances... but I do like it, and with the grace of God, I'll make it through another year.
Enough with philosophical mullings, it's time to pack up another box.
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